It's time to introduce you to my Khmer-family, the hosts who have had the blessing of my taking one of their rooms for the past month. The Saos!
I will begin with the power of the house: the mom. My host dad struts around thinking that he is the king of the roost but I think that everyone in the house and probably outside of the house knows who makes all of the real decisions around here. I am barely able to communicate with them and I know who the boss is. My host mom (name: Bo. "mom" in Khmer sounds like "maak"...I actually don't call her anything...and haven't thought until now about how I NEVER have had to address her) is a lean (and I mean TINY) mean (not by a longshot) Asian mom machine. She was appropriately mom-worried when I was sick and is trying to understand why I eat so little rice (a bowl is not enough) and why I am so bad at cooking. Generally she just hands me things to chop but I notice she keeps a good eye on me and the cleaver in my hand. Good thinking, Bo. A tailor at the market, she sews shirts and skirts and pants and virtually anything that anyone wants she can make. I found this amusing in that my real/biological/American mom is also talented with the needle and thread and have tried to convey this to my host mom. I showed her a shirt that Mom-back-home made me and she said it would fetch about $6 at the market. Go Mom! That's a high-class fashion item in Cambodia.
My host dad is quite the character. Sao Sareth THINKS he knows English, which is actually worse then not knowing English at all. He also seems to think that every time he sees me it's an opportunity to give me a quiz on my Khmer. When I walk inside the gate or sitting at dinner he'll point to a random object and say "what" or "in Khmer", to which my usual response is a blank stare or "I don't know" in English. Once I said "I don't understand" in Khmer back to him, and he responded, "you understand! What?!" in English. Sorry paak, I haven't learned "bird bath" in Khmer yet, still working on "Where is the bathroom?" What he doesn't seem to understand is that life is a quiz when you live in Cambodia and don't speak Khmer. Have I mentioned yet how I need to learn how to bargain for food?
I have a host brother, whom I like to call Kenny-he told me that was his English name (but not to his face...I never actually call anyone by their name) who studies at the university in Phnom Penh and I have only met him once when he came home for a weekend. He's pretty typically Cambodian: skinny, small, dark, and laughs at me when I speak his language. I have found out that I am JUST under a year older than him - his birthday is 17th January 1990. Damned by two days!
My host sisters are Lena and Dany - and I'm 97.4% that those are their real names! Lena is married to my host brother-in-law Mao who is an English teacher and likes to speak to me in English. They both live at the house with her parents and poor Lena is heavy preggers - as in she is ready to pop. I have tried to imagine the look on my parents' faces if I ever got married and then asked them if my lucky groom and I could move in with them. I never get past the thought of me being married though - too much laughter abounds.
Lena is 21 years old and Mao is 25. She works at a cosmetics store in the market across from Bo's tailor shop. The two of them (mom and daughter) must get along WONDERFULLY.
Dany is the youngest and from what I gather she is about 18 and just taking the exam that Khmer children take to graduate from high school. She also lives in Phnom Penh and goes to university...apparently they can enroll in university here without taking the graduating exam from high school. Go Dany. She speaks a little bit of English and likes to practice with me when she is home, which is not often. She's also a quizzer of Khmer, like her dad. Dany and I have had very long, very simple, conversations about how she wants to be a doctor in Cambodia and how I have also considered that option in America. It's interesting to think of the differences in both our education and practice in the two different countries. For example, it will take Dany 10 years to become a licensed physician, during which she will work on the weekdays and go to school on the weekends. In addition, though there are scholarships available in Cambodia, student loans are virtually non-existent therefore if one wants higher education they have to rely on their parents to pay for it. Americans are pretty unique in that we commend those who pull themselves up by their boot straps from hardship whereas if a Khmer were to be independent in the American sense it would be looked on as curious and almost wrong - like what is wrong with the person that their family kicked them out and they deserved having to survive on their own.
The family has two dogs, a white one and a black one. Their names are "Doggy Black", and "Doggy White". Very original, I know. There is also a rooster that likes to begin crowing at about 4am right outside my window, and a bunch of chickens that like to run away from it.
I really only see my host mom and Lena at dinner because they are always working. However I have the pleasure of eating with my host dad and brother-in-law for lunch as well. They bring food which Bo and Lena have prepared at the market home to where the three of us eat. Nothing says "family" like a Khmer quiz in between spoonfuls of rice and English lessons.
Khmer meals are a good deal different from American meals, and not just because of the rice consumption. My family has a table so we don't sit on rice mats, but everyone gets their own bowl of rice to eat and then in the middle of that table are the dishes that get eaten with the rice. Khmer eat with spoons and sometimes forks but the forks really just serve to shovel food onto the spoon. Knives are not necessary for any of the meals. What I found extremely interesting is that they don't have drinks while eating meals. None. No water or pop or hot Asian tea. I want to learn Khmer faster solely for the purpose of asking anyone if they are thirsty during dinner. Anyway, like I said the dishes that go along with rice are in the middle of the table and everyone helps themselves to whatever they want whenever they want as the meal goes on. It's very unlike American meals where you load up your plate and then work on the food you have in front of you. In Cambodia, you take a spoonful of what you want, eat it with rice, and then go back for more spoonfuls. I don't suppose I've written yet about the relationship between me and germs, and sharing those germs, huh. Most dishes are soup-like, but sometimes there will be a plate of chicken pieces or fish. I have to watch out for bones though, the fish look like they're caught, killed, then roasted and plated. It's easy to stay away from meat when you're worried about breaking your teeth on bones and looking into eyes in your soup. In addition, Khmer meals last about 10 minutes during which everyone just fills up their mouths and bellies and conversation is kept to a minimum. Khmer eat as though they are never going to see food again. It's a little earth-shattering and more than a little heartbreaking considering what this country has been through and how poor it is. My family are lucky though and seem to be doing quite well. We have running water and electricity! And let me tell you that is not easy to come by in Cambodia for the most part.
My host family calls me "AhmndAh" or more recently "MnnUH" which makes for interesting shouts and references. Every day they make sure I am awake by 6:30am because as Mao puts it, "if you sleep in it means you are sick". They often comment on how little rice I eat and I expect they'll be locating a Khmer husband for me before the next month is up. At the very least my hidden cooking talents will be showcased and luckily for me it's hard to mess up steamed rice when you have a rice cooker. Good thing I can clean dishes, although this whole "laundry-by-hand" thing could end up being a dealbreaker. What can I say? I'm very impatient for clean clothes and water is more fun to play in. I haven't turned any white clothes pink or light blue yet...which is more than I can say for my time abroad in Greece. O the wonders of growing up.
Everything I write is in good fun though, I feel very lucky to have landed the host family I did and am taking great pleasure in learning Khmer culture from this "typical" Khmer family. I wish I could convey to them the service they are doing me! It's hard to be in a new place with new people but I can't imagine welcoming a girl from the other side of the world who doesn't speak my language into my home, cooking for her and trying to communicate about basic life. Needless to say I think the Saos are akin to angels. They are doing their best as I am doing mine.
This is a fabulous time to give a big HI to my own Mom and Dad (whom I like to refer to as "supermom" and "superman" ... it has thrown my host family for a loop) and a shout-out to my favorite siblings: Joe, Diana, Thomas, and Laura (and I can say that now because I have Khmer siblings). Missing you on the other side of the world! Here, there's a saying that when you cough (*coughcough*) it means someone must be missing you. I cough a lot due to the dust and rice here...so I'm betting it's you 6 missing on me so hard. :D
I am ever thankful for my family-you guys are amazing.
Here's hoping my Khmer husband knows how to cook Western food!
xo-Amanda
From the left: Lena, Dany, me, Ken Behind us: Bo and Sareth
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