My health center staff
About three months ago I returned to the United States of America (YAY!) from that stint in Cambodia known as my Peace Corps service. The end of my service was kind of a whirlwind, stuck between dreaming of my impending return home and preemptively missing everything in my Khmer life. My host family and I together were unsure how to treat the situation. They asked me when I would be coming back to Cambodia and I told them that first I had to get a job and save some money. Then my host mom asked if I would come back for Sokchea's wedding. "When will you be getting married?"I asked him." O bong," he responded, "yoo! yoo! (not for a very long time)."
My Supermom came to visit and meet my host family which was really awesome and we had a blast. Check out my moms below:
(adorbs)
and my beautiful family!
(adorbs x5)
And what a trip it was.
At the Grand Palace, Bangkok - Mom said, "He's a big guy!"
Hong Kong
In the days following my return, between jet lag and consuming as much food as I could physically hold(ish), I met up with some friends and became reacquainted with my own culture and the life I had left behind. As always, lessons were learned and in the time I have spend back I have learned a few things that I would like to share below.
I am really very awkward.
I have always been really awkward but now I can blame it on my two years abroad (for a little while more, at least). When I went to Cambodia "out of place" just did not capture the sentiment felt by me and many of my cohorts as we stumbled along trying to learn not only a new language but a new culture and way of life. Individuality is not celebrated across the world the same way that it is acknowledged, even praised, here.
Before coming home, as a preparation of sorts, I gathered with the other K6s for a conference we called "close of service" during which we were told all about returning to America and reassimilation into our home culture: there would be many things we noticed right off the bat (the English language everywhere, incredible amounts of waste, FOOD) and many questions we might get frustrated with ("So...what was it like?" or "Tell me about Cambodia"). As it turns out, I am not so affected by things that other people say or do, but I find I am very aware of myself - how much food I am leaving on my plate, my own garbage can at the end of the week, words and what they mean when I say them. Let me tell you, the food is a literal shock to the system (mentally and physically), but there were other shocks to my system that I think only other female PCVs in Cambodia or another conservative host country might notice, like all of the skin that is bared during summer (when I arrived home), or even having male friends. The pace of America is, understandably so, a little quicker than that of Cambodia and the question that I get asked more often than anything is, "Do you have a job yet?" It's so American!
And "American" is what we tell ourselves that we miss for those two years while we are across the planet, it is "American" that is the excuse when a cultural faux pas occurs and we shrug and think "It's because I'm American." But it isn't "being American" that we miss, it's being ourselves and no one caring because that's just who we are. I did try to blend in (and have you seen the photos? Not easy) when I was in the 'Bode and for a foreigner with no idea what she was doing, I can only say that I tried my best. The difficulty arises in our definition of "blending in" because in America, this means "standing out." That, as it turns out, I can do.
So here I am, back in America. I have been introduced to some things I have missed occurring while away (the Cronut, Snapchat, those weird high waisted shorts girls keep wearing), and some things I have simply missed (refrigeration, climate control, bacon). At the same time, I can't help thinking in Khmer sometimes (it's just easier), resting in a Khmer squat, or wishing I could walk down the road and get some pumpkin for $.50...and then give it to my host mom to cook because we all know what happens when I am allowed near knives (see: attempting to cut pumpkin post). The things that make me so "American" set me apart when I was in Cambodia and the things that I got used to in Cambodia make me stand out here. Ah truly, some things never change.
I just use "quirky" now, instead of "awkward."
People want to know and people want to help.
I have noticed more, since I have been back, that oftentimes people want to get involved with something bigger than themselves in order to give their lives purpose. Usually "something bigger" actually means something smaller. I did a lot of "big things" when I was in the Peace Corps - working at the health center, the science project, the library - but the "big things" that I love to remember, that I can't stop talking about, that I have so many photos of! are the "little things" that happened. My host family is by far my absolute favorite part of my experience in Cambodia, and both of my little host brothers are and will be affected by that library that I helped to fill with books. During the pilot of the science project at Evan's site, more than one student stayed after that class to ask me questions about continuing on, where to get information, one even quizzed me on how to keep learning organic chemistry! I got to work with the most extraordinary women at the health center, learn about their lives and their patients' lives, and became friends with people who far outweigh me in the "life experience" category. Those personal friendships and relationships formed, even acquaintances with students who professed a love of learning, are what has affected me the most.
I am the luckiest girl I know of.
It's hard, when seeing friends back in the States who kept in touch, to express my thanks adequately for all of their messages, emails, snail mail, phone calls, tweets, and thoughts that I received when I was there. Probably only other PCVs will understand when I say that it meant more to me than they could ever know. How often I read, reread, and then reread over and over again every word and how much it helped when I was homesick and when I was not. It is not a great big deal to send an email for you in the Land of Electronics, but for me the effect lasted...well..roughly two years, if I had to estimate. To everyone who kept in touch - THANK YOU! thank you thank you, more than you will ever know.
Between the Superparents, my brothers and sisters, friends and other family in America, and my friends, Khmer family, staff and other Volunteers in Cambodia, I have more connections and help than I know what to do with. Lucky! That's me.
Actually - a few weeks ago while eating dinner with my family, my aunt asked me what the most important thing I learned was (what a question!). Truthfully, I told her that if I learned anything in my years abroad, and in my time since, it is that I know nothing.
* * *
One of our jobs as PCVs is to share our culture with our host country in addition to learning theirs. I know I have done my job when my host mom calls and after asking if I am happy and eating rice (and how can I be full if I am not eating rice?!), she gets down to business. "Do you have a job yet?" she asks.
Mission accomplished.
xo
Amanda
